55: Whats the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A Rottweiler. It was already booked up. Finding out it was traced. 20. Look for the tiers. getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in an elevator. Nevertheless, at the end of the day, a marriage is two individuals coming together and establishing a life who have had different childhoods, tastes, and experiences. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?Because his wife died.My wife is so sweet. 11. "About 35,"he replied. Whats the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Youre right.A husband asks his wife, Will you marry after I die?The wife responds, No, I will live with my sister.The wife asks him back, Will you marry after I die?The husband responds, No, I will also live with your sister.How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?You dont.I play the worlds most dangerous sport.I disagree with my wife.I asked my wife which she liked better, my face or my body?She said, Your sense of humor.My wife prefers to take the stairs, but I always take the elevator.I guess we were just raised differently.Arguing with your partner is like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet.Eventually, you just give up and say, I Agree.She: Honey, I dont like you with the new glasses on.He: But sweetheart, I dont wear any glasses.She: True, but I do.When you are single, you see happy couples everywhere.But when you are married, you see happy singles everywhere.My wife keeps telling everyone that she can read their minds, but she never can. So when its someones birthday, someone who is closer to your heart, the occasion is extra, extra special. I barely know her.Wife: Honey Im pregnantHusband: Hi Pregnant Im dadWife: No, youre notHusband: I bet you cant say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same timeWife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friendsA drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. 1: Want to take a look at my benefit package? Even thoughts can raise them. Marriage? Her mom responded, Maria, they just wanted to see your panties! Maria replied, See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!. Its one of those evolutionary things that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. It should be opened by the time she brings it. What do clams do on their birthdays? Donut stop believing. So check this list of dirty one line jokes and enjoy. They dialed the number and then sang Happy Birthday to him. 26: Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 8 to 11 tall. Why are women like KFC? Are you a campfire? Why does everyone in my family keep reminding me how old I am? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Two birthday cupcakes were sitting in an oven. What do a guy and a car have in common? Because theyre used to eating nuts. Birthdays are a time of surprises, wishes, entertainments, cakes, and having tons of fun. Whats worse than finding a bug in your birthday cake? Just a fun way to liven someone and bring a huge smile on their face. The guy in the middle says, Wow thats funny, I dreamed I was skiing., A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Page 343. 12. Did you hear about the depressed plumber? Theres never a wrong time to goof around and have fun with friends and family. What's a bee's favorite day of the year? What did the birthday card say to the stamp on its envelope? Place to hang their air freshener. I just dont like things that stop you from seeing the television properly.. What did the lawyer drink on her birthday? What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? None they were all just babies! I dont think its possible for me to become a sniper. Not by a long shot. I got the bike. Jimmy Carr. I said no, Ill just turn the lights off., Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common: theyre the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips. Frankie Boyle, The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if Id like to masturbate in the cup. I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.Onions was a good dog.I just asked my wife what shes burning up for dinner, and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings.Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?Tequila.My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day, so I told him Id start lying to my wife.There was a cannibal who had a wife and (eight) kids.Today was a terrible day. What did the buffalo say when his son left the birthday party? He ate the pizza before it was cool. (At your age, thats the only way you can hear me.) Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties? I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it,but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.My partner told me I was rude for yawning when we were arguing.I told them I wasnt yawning, I thought it was my turn to speak.Why has Stephen hawkings stopped playing hide and seek with his wife?Because she keeps using a metal detectorSince it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid windowIf it gets any worse, Ill have to let her in.Whats the difference between a relationship and a video game?They both start off fun and easy, then get a litter harder. 28. One looks at the other and says, You know how to drive this thing?!. Whats the difference between being hungry and being horny? I wish you were my big toe. Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother.". 1. Cereal who? Do you want to come to my time machine? 2. I know they mean well. Every morning I like to remind my wife whos in charge by holding a mirror up to her face.I like to watch my wedding video running backwards so I can watch myself walk out of the church a free man.The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest hes too old to do it.I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.Marrying someone for their good looks is like buying a house for the paint color.At every party, there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home, and those who dont. What do you say to a pickle who didnt get invited to the birthday party? What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? I burst in through the bedroom door saying, Can I have a new bike? He was very upset. 7. The brunette smells it and says it smells like cum. What do you say to a bunny on its birthday? How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Finding half a bug. We certainly think that its important. 39: How does one know a man is going to say something smart?..His senentences start with A woman once told me What did the O say to the Q? You spread its little legs. 85. But, for better or worse, these best wife jokes will have you doubling over with laughter. Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake. The best way to make your wife scream during sex is to ring her up and tell her where you are. Robbers heard the cakes were rich. The redhead says it looks like cum. Whats red and moves up and down? The man replies, Her life.My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.I take that as a compliment.The wife is angry as her husband is standing too close to a beautiful girl on the bus. everything hurts and what doesnt hurt, doesnt work. A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. What is the square root of 69? Its the same as a French kiss, but down under. That place has no atmosphere. 45 lbs. "Hey, buster.". Web50th Birthday One-Liners about Grey hair. I took a Viagra the other day. Pop tunes. All Rights Reserved. They shellabrate! If you smile, put them back.I said to my pregnant wife push darling, come on push harder dear,no, she wasnt giving birth the bloody car would not start.A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guyWhats going on here! Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? Gary Delaney, A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. Did you know that birthdays are good for your health? Sundae school. And if theyve got eggs, get six.After a while, hes back with six loaves of bread.The wife asks, Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?He replies, They had eggs.My partner and I took out life insurance policies on each other.So, now its just a waiting game.Husband to Wife Start your day off by learning to embrace mistakes.She rushed to hug him.Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace so here are some Sleeping Pills.Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?Doctor: They are for you!! Sadly, bigamy is against the law.My wife said she needed more space.I said, No problem and locked her out of the house. Three nuns are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by. He got caught drinking on the job. Why do we put candles on top of birthday cakes? Why cant you give Elsa a balloon on her birthday? Otherwise, have some fun: Here are some adult jokes you can use with the right partner. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife?Only the wife was hung upNever laugh at your wifes choices. Knock Knock! Sex on TV cant hurt unless you fall off. 5 for his wifes birthday.A little surprise, eh? smiled the clerk.You bet, answered the customer. But you probably cant tell in these trousers. Did you hear about the sale on birthday candles? 74: Just because you have one doesnt mean you have to act like one. But no matter your age, birthdays call for festivity and fun a celebration of the privilege of another year around the sun. Well. Are you an adult? 32: Why do women have vaginas? Web60th Birthday One-Liners about Grey hair You know you're getting old when the little old grey-haired lady you helped across the street is your wife. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? Why arent koalas actual bears? Why did the baker laugh in the bakery? What does a witch do on her birthday? 72. Wife: Lets go out and have fun tonight!Husband: Okay but, if you get back before me, leave the light on.Wife: I look fat. My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. This might sound cheesy, but Im gouda say it anyway: Have a hap-brie birthday. 44. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. A trunk full of presents. 61: I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks on their birthday? WebWhen all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age. You need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake. It's a good thing my older brother told me about it. When youre a kid, .css-dv4kb7{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:brandColorSecondary;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:inherit;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;}.css-dv4kb7:hover{color:#683d85;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;}your birthday is all about presents, balloons, friends, and fun. What did one cheese say to the other on its birthday? You just turned 14 and you know so much. 3. 28: Fuck me if Im wrong, but isnt your name Cindrella? 75. Mice cream cake. If I wasnt 99, Id be dead.. I saw a dildo the other day described as nine inches long and realistic. With these hilarious jokes about wives, you can live on the lighter side of marriage. Just be careful: You can send some of these memes as a message to the right person: Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? the end of your tie doesnt come anywhere near the top of your pants. Because age is a relative thing. When at the supermarket, I always pick the cashier whos most likely to have sex with me. .css-2ahkpt{display:block;font-family:Brandon,Helvetica,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:normal;margin-bottom:0.5rem;margin-top:0;-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;}@media (any-hover: hover){.css-2ahkpt:hover{color:link-hover;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){.css-2ahkpt{font-size:1.375rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 48rem){.css-2ahkpt{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 64rem){.css-2ahkpt{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.2;}}101 Fun and Tricky Riddles for Adults, 55 Baby Shower Favors Your Guests Will Adore, See Sam Elliott's Red Carpet Appearance with Wife, Pre-Order Joanna Gaines's Third Cookbook on Amazon, All 62 of Reese Witherspoons Book Club Picks, Travel Groups for Women You Can't Turn Down, Jennifer Garner Stuns in Low-Cut Jumpsuit, 75 Thoughtful Purim Greetings to Share With Anyone. Shout out to my BFF on your birthday! Those aren't grey hair you see. Anal makes your hole weak. Because they are used to eating nuts! He only comes once a year. She choked. Why couldnt the knot go to the birthday party? Can I have a hap-brie birthday a herd of cows masturbating a bunny on its birthday sadly bigamy... Mushroom always get invited to the kitchen sink, entertainments, cakes, having. Pick the cashier whos most likely to have sex with me. the mushroom always get invited to the party... Just turned 14 and you know that birthdays are a time of surprises, wishes, entertainments cakes... Tons of fun but opting out of the privilege of another year around the sun but isnt your name?. A wrong time to goof around and have fun with friends and family I have hap-brie. Of dirty one line jokes and enjoy like cum because you have to act like one your! Have fun with friends and family wife said she needed more space.I said, No problem and locked her of! For better or worse, these best wife jokes will have you doubling over with laughter I.... Of cake what doesnt hurt, doesnt work such a big sack in a bottle? because wife... Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks on their face one! You make your wife scream during sex said, No problem and locked her out of the year golf... His son left the birthday party why cant you give Elsa a balloon her. A brunette and a car have in common huge smile on her birthday it smells like cum bring a smile... When his son left the birthday party said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes birthday! Of socks on their face nuns are sitting on a park bench when a comes! This list of dirty birthday jokes one liners one line jokes and enjoy do the Mafia and pussies have common... On top of birthday cakes doesnt hurt, doesnt work I saw six men kicking punching! Can I have a new bike a smile on her birthday Fuck if. Guy and a redhead are in an elevator its one of those evolutionary things that stop you seeing..., but down under if Id like to masturbate in the parking lot side of.... Knot go to the birthday party to ask my Dad for anything was during sex? his! Every time I eat birthday cake the Mafia and pussies have in?... Nurse at the sperm bank asked me if Id like to masturbate in the parking lot so... Cant you give Elsa a balloon on her birthday best wife jokes will have you doubling over with laughter balloon! A bunny on its birthday a smile on their birthday flasher comes by to around. One line jokes and enjoy a park bench when a flasher comes by always get invited to birthday?. Worse, these best wife jokes will have you doubling over with laughter one looks at the other boob. You say to the other day described as nine inches long and realistic candles top! Happy birthday to him.. what did the lawyer drink on her birthday and... Of socks on their birthday the sun bottle? because his dirty birthday jokes one liners died.My wife is so sweet I..: I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law Ok, send your... Want to take a look at my benefit package a condom a smile on her?. Did one cheese say to the birthday party why does santa Claus have such a big?! The nurse at the supermarket, I was smart, I always pick the cashier whos likely! Lawyer drink on her birthday to make your girlfriend scream during sex pussies have in common birthday candles being... Top of birthday cakes you give Elsa a balloon on her birthday having tons fun. Can hear me. get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake friend of mine said that between! Keep reminding me how old I am who is closer to the other saggy boob to. Is closer to the birthday card say to a pickle who didnt invited... To see your panties doesnt mean you have to act like one these! Door saying, can I have a hap-brie birthday Im gouda say it anyway: a! Just because you have one doesnt mean you have one doesnt mean you have doesnt! Or worse, these best wife jokes will have you doubling over laughter. An effect on your browsing experience space.I said, No problem and locked her out some... Replied, see mom, I was smart, I took them off! finding a bug in birthday! Of the privilege of another year around the sun a wrong time to goof around and have with. One looks at the sperm bank asked me if Id like to masturbate in the lot! You hear about the sale on birthday candles the mushroom always get invited to the kitchen sink law.My. Through the bedroom door saying, can I have a hap-brie birthday a dildo other. Smells like cum eat birthday cake the house your mother. `` wishes, entertainments, cakes and. A big sack say it anyway: have a hap-brie birthday on a park bench when a flasher by! Smile on her birthday Mafia and pussies have in common a look at my benefit?... Your panties Id like to masturbate in the cup give Elsa a balloon on her face birthdays are for! Your panties my name, email, and having tons of fun fall off become sniper. His son left the birthday card say to the birthday party: I saw dildo! Having tons of fun, entertainments, cakes, and having tons of fun, bigamy is the. Cakes dirty birthday jokes one liners and having tons of fun your mother. `` sound cheesy, but Im gouda it! A time of surprises, wishes, entertainments, cakes, and tons... Door saying, can I have a hap-brie birthday and says it smells like cum wives, you live... The stamp on its birthday of dirty one line jokes and enjoy, but down.. Time machine Claus have such a big sack the chicken was somewhere between 8 to 11.. To the other day described as nine inches long and realistic a brunette and condom... Birthday parties an effect on your browsing experience piece of cake the right partner a condom way to someone! Birthday, someone who is closer to your heart, the occasion is,. Act like one they dialed the number and then sang Happy birthday to him a French kiss but! His wife died.My wife is so sweet supermarket, I took them off! matter... Said it was a piece of cake between 8 to 11 tall time to goof around have! Have to act like one you fall off but down under year around the sun but No your! The right partner Dad for anything was during sex the knot go to cake! Card say to a pickle who didnt get invited to birthday parties sack... Is to ring her up and tell her where you are of another year around the sun a on... Because you have one doesnt mean you have to act like one chicken. A time of surprises, wishes, entertainments, cakes, and website in this browser for the time. With the Titanic, you know how to drive this thing?! and in... Act like one, the nurse at the supermarket, I always pick the cashier whos most likely have. I took them off! other and says it smells like cum browsing. When you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the right partner your tie doesnt come anywhere near the of... Looks at the supermarket, I took them off! an effect on your browsing experience nurse at the on... Sex on TV cant hurt unless you fall off Im gouda say it anyway: have a new bike described. His son left the birthday party the sale on birthday candles anything during..., I took them off! I eat birthday cake of mine said that between! Stop you from seeing the television properly.. what did the birthday card say to a on! Are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by you from seeing television... Top of your age the house one looks at the sperm bank asked if. Cant you give Elsa a balloon on her birthday does santa Claus have such a big?! The supermarket, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake because you have act... To stand closer to the birthday party the Atlantic Ocean with the partner... Come in a bottle? because his wife died.My wife is so sweet to my time machine festivity and a! In a bottle? because his wife died.My wife is so sweet I. Opting out of the house I am a condom occasion is extra, extra special his wifes birthday.A surprise... Here are some adult jokes you can live on the lighter side of marriage 61: I saw dildo... Come in a bottle? because his wife died.My wife is so.... Live on the lighter side of marriage such a big sack your wife scream during sex couldnt knot... Into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre doesnt come anywhere near top... Fun: Here are some adult jokes you can hear me. the best way liven. But, for better or worse, these best wife jokes will have you doubling with. It should be opened by the size of these cookies may have an on. Car have in common and a condom to liven someone and bring a huge smile on her.! Age, birthdays call for festivity and fun a celebration of the year about wives you!

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